Mothers - be good to your daughters

English version below the photo

For et par dage siden oplevede jeg noget, som fik tankerne igang. Mødre kan være så hårde ved deres døtre, selvom de sikkert ikke selv lægger mærke til, at de er det. Jeg ringede til min mor, så snart jeg havde mulighed for det, for at takke hende for, at hun ikke har peget på min mave og været hård ved mig på den måde. Jovist, hun har vist nok sagt, at en trøje sad lidt for tæt, at en kjole var lidt for kort og hun har trukket et nederdel ned, når det har været ved at kravle op over min røv. Og ja, jeg tolkede det som, at hun ikke syntes, jeg så godt nok ud, som jeg var. Og ja, det var hårdt. Og jeg har konfronteret hende med det og jeg kunne se i hendes øjne, at det gjorde ondt i hendes hjerte, at jeg havde tænkt og følt sådan. 

Og nogle af de mødre, som jeg har mødt på det sidste, har sikkert heller ikke ment det ondt. Jeg kan forestille mig, at det er et udtryk for, at de bare gerne vil beskytte deres døtre mod kommentarer fra en verden, der kan være ond - og det gør de ved at sørge for, at tøjet ikke afslører maver og ikke vækker for meget opmærksomhed. Men når man som ung og usikker pige for eksempel står i et prøverum, så har man brug for at mor er veninde og ikke fjende. Heller ikke selvom fjenden mener det kærligt. For når mor siger: "Sæt dig lige ned og se, hvordan din mave buler ud i den trøje der", så gør det ondt. Og når mor siger: "Nå, så må du altså tabe dig", fordi en trøje ikke lige passer, så gør det ondt. I stedet skulle mor måske sige, at maver på kvinder i en størrelse langt mindre faktisk OGSÅ buler ud, når de sidder ned. Og at kvinder i en størrelse langt mindre faktisk OGSÅ kan prøve tøj på, som passer ad helvedes til af den simple grund, at tøjet bare ikke er syet til at passe alle kroppe, fordi ingen kroppe er ens. 

Det er meningen at mødre skal elske på trods. Og det gør de sikkert også. Jeg er sikker på, at det er kærligt ment. Men jeg er ikke sikker på, at mødre ved, hvor ondt det gør, når de udpeger fejl. Eller hvor meget det sikkert betyder for pigers måde at se dem selv på. Og det kan altså godt gøre mig vred, når jeg ser det ske lige for øjnene af mig, at mødre (ubevidst) piller selvtilliden ud af deres egne døtre, når de i stedet burde bygge den op. 

Min mor har altid bakket mig op. Bakket mig op, når jeg sagde, at NU ville jeg tabe mig. Bakket mig op, når jeg sagde, at nu gad jeg ikke være på kur mere. Bakket mig op, når jeg sagde, at jeg fandme også ville gå i skinny jeans og ikke gider gå klædt i telte, bare fordi jeg vejer for meget. Og jeg ved, at hun er stolt af mig, at hun synes jeg er smuk, at hun elsker mig højere end højt. Og jeg ved godt, at hun aldrig har ment noget ondt med det, når hun har trukket mit tøj ned på plads - hun har bare sørget for at jeg ikke viste min røv til hele verden. 

Jeg ved ikke, hvad min mor vil sige til, at dukke op på bloggen - men jeg synes det her billede er så skønt!
Jeg elsker min mor.
I don't know what my mum has to say about being on my blog, but I think this photo is wonderful!
I love my mum. 

A few days ago I heard something that made my thoughts wander. Mothers can be so tough on their daughters, even though they probably don't notice it. I called my mum as soon as I had the chance to thank her. Thank her because she never pointed at my belly and was hard on me like that. Yes, she sometimes told me that a shirt was too tight, that a dress was a bit too short and I remember her pulling my skirt down, because it was about to flash my ass. And yes, back then I thought it was because she thought I didn't look good enough as I was. And yes, it was hard on me. I confronted her with it and I could tell from the look in her eyes that it hurt her so bad, that I'd been thinking and feeling like that. 

And some of the mothers I've met lately, probably didn't mean any harm either. I guess it's all about mothers trying to protect their daughters from comments in a world that is cruel sometimes - and they do that by making sure that bellys don't show and that clothes don't stand out too much. But when a young, insecure girl is in the fitting room to give an example, she needs for her mother to be a friend - not an enemy. Not even of the enemy means well and does it with love. 'Cause when mom says: "Sit down and see how your belly bulges out!", it hurts. And when mom says: "Well, then you need to loose weight!" because a shirt doesn't fit right, it hurts. Instead mom is supposed to say, that all women's bellys bulges out when they sit - even women a lot smaller. And that women a lot smaller ALSO try on clothes that fits like shit, because clothes aren't made to fit every body, because not to bodys are the same!

Mothers are meant to love no matter what. And I'm sure they do. And I'm sure they mean it a loving way. I'm not sure they know how much it hurt, when they point at mistakes like that though. Or how big an effect it can have at the way their girls look at themselves. And it makes me feel so upset when I see it happen right in front of me - mothers (without knowing, I'm sure) breaking down their daughters' confidence instead of building it. 

My mother has always been supportive of me. She supported me everytime I told her I wanted to loose weight. And she backed me up when I said that I didn't want to diet anymore. She supported me when I said I wanted to wear skinny jeans too and didn't want to wear tents just because I'm too big. And I know she's proud of me, that she thinks I'm beautiful and that she loves me more than alot. And I know she never meant any harm by pulling my clothes to where it needed to be - she just made sure I didn't show off my ass to the world.