What if we said it was about making ME excited?

English below

I år har jeg købt min første bikini. Nogensinde. Jeg har aldrig haft en før, for samfundet har det med at sige, at tykke piger ikke må gå i bikini. Men i år købte jeg en. Og det er et kæmpe skridt for mig. Og ikke nok med, at jeg har købt en bikini - jeg glæder mig også til at have den med på ferie og jeg har det dejligt i den! Efter at have set smukke plus size piger se superflotte ud i bikinier de sidste par år besluttede jeg mig for, at hvis de kunne, så kunne jeg også!

For et par uger siden så jeg et billede på Instagram med hashtagget Fatkini. En kvinde havde taget et billede af Gabifreshs fantastiske svømme-kollektion og skrev under billedet, at det var en bevægelse i en helt forkert retning. Billedet er sidenhen blevet slettet, men jeg har tænkt meget over ordene, som stod under billedet. Jeg kan ganske vist ikke citere hende ordret, siden hun har slettet billedet, men jeg mindes, at hun skrev, at dét at  kunne have en bikini på på stranden burde være en belønning for at kunne kontrollere sin vægt og at tykke mennesker derfor ikke burde have lov til at gå at vise deres deller til andre. Og så sluttede hun af med at skrive, at hun i hvert fald ikke blev glad (hun brugte ordet excited) af at se på tykke piger i bikini og at det kun ville gøre vores selvtillid endnu dårligere, at alle ikke ville blive glade for at se vores kroppe. 

For et par år siden ville jeg sikkert have taget hendes kommentar enormt personligt. Jeg var usikker dengang og jeg havde måske givet hende ret - eller i hvert fald have besluttet mig for, at jeg aldrig skulle have en bikini, på grund af sådan en kommentar. Men jeg læste ikke kommentaren for et par år siden, heldigvis. I stedet for at blive ked af sådan et synspunkt, fik jeg rystet mine egne holdninger på plads og tænkt over, hvorfor jeg har købt mig min bikini. 

Min bikini er en belønning for, at jeg elsker mig selv, som jeg er og at jeg dagligt arbejder med min selvtillid. Jeg tager ikke min bikini på for at provokere. Jeg tager den ikke på for at vise mine deller. Jeg har den på, fordi den er rar at have på. Og fordi min størrelse ikke bør sætte grænser for, hvad jeg kan have på. Grænserne sættes af mit humør og min selvtillid, ikke af min størrelse og ikke af samfundets holdning. Jeg har det godt i min bikini og jeg har den på, fordi jeg har det godt i den (og også lidt fordi min kæreste, synes jeg ser godt ud i den). Den dag, hvor jeg tog billederne ovenfor, følte jeg mig tilpas, flot, glad og stærk. Stærk fordi jeg for alvor følte, at jeg havde gjort noget for mig selv, fordi jeg selv havde lyst. Og jeg gjorde det selvom samfundet siger, at jeg ikke burde. Og jeg følte mig elsket. Af mig selv. 

Damen på Instagram glemte vist at tænke på, at man ikke altid klæder sig på for at gøre alle andre glade. Hvad nu hvis vi sagde, det bare handler om, at det gør mig glad? I så fald: mission fuldført!

English:

This year I bought my first bikini. Ever. I've never had one before, because I listened to society and it says that fat girls shouldn't be wearing bikinis. But this year I bought one. And it feels like a giant step for me. I didn't just buy a bikini - I bought a bikini and I can't wait to wear it this summer and I feel great in it! After seeing beautiful plus size women looking beautiful in bikinis over the last couple of years I decided, that if they could do it - so could I!

A few weeks ago I stumpled acroess a photo on Instagram hashtagged with "Fatkini". A woman took a photo of an article about Gabifresh's lovely swimwear collection and stated beneath it, that it was a movement going in the wrong direction. The photo was deleted, but I've been thinking alot about the words that was accompanied by the photo. Obviously I wont be able to cite this woman, since she deleted what she said, but I remember her writing something like "wearing bikinis is the reward for controlling your weight" and that fat people shouldn't go around showing of their fat to others. And then she ended of by saying that she didn't feel excited about seeing fat girls in bikinis and that it would only make our self confidence even worse, that not everyone would be happy to see our bodies in bikinis. 

A few years ago I would've probably taken her words very personal. I was quite insecure then and I might have agreed with her - or at least decided never to get a bikini because of her words. But I didn't read this comment a few years ago. Luckily. Instead of being upset about it, I took my time to think about why I decided to get a bikini. 

My bikini is my reward for loving myself and for working with my self confidence every single day. I'm not wearing it to provoke. And I'm not wearing it to show off my rolls. I'm wearing it because it feels nice. And because my size shouldn't be setting the limit for what I can wear. The limits are made up by my mood and my confidence. Not by my size and not by the opinion of the society. I'm feeling great in my bikini and I'm wearing it because of that (and also a little because my boyfriend thinks I look cute in it). The day I took the photos above I felt comfortable, pretty, happy and empowered because I truly felt that I did something for me, because I wanted to. And I did it even though society says I shouldn't. And I felt loved. By me. 

The woman on Instagram forgot, that we don't (at least not always) dress a certain way to make others happy or excited. What if we said it's all about making me excited? In that case: mission accomplished.